One that note: I wrote a poem a while back. I'm curious as to what people think of it.
Lovely Blood
How lovely are your tear-stained lips
Your battered ribs
And bleeding wrists
That you should die - my sweetest bliss
Why should I cry at thought of this?
So I betray you with my kiss
At my hands you bleed for me
My hungry hands strike out at thee
Unchained hands: loosed, rampant, free
Hands laden with my apathy
My egocentricity
My jubilee
These clenched fist now beat you down
Vehemently throw you to the ground
My lust and greed and zeal abound
That I may still wear this holy gown
And sing among triumphant sound
So I will break you to preserve my crown
For I ask:
How else should I describe my deliberate sins?
Intentional, audacious, blatant sins.
This poem, as it's written, suggests that deliberate sin is essentially the equivalent to spitting in Christ's face, personally driving the nails into His wrists, and demanding, "I still expect you to get me into heaven."
However, the original draft didn't include the last stanza. I felt that the poem was too easily misinterpreted without out some sort of clarification so I threw in those last 3 lines to attempt to assure people that this poem wasn't some expressed vendetta against God. Originally, however, I was processing through the idea that the mere acceptance of salvation is to literally trample all over the name of Jesus. A perverse trampling that the very man being trampled gladly ordains, and even orchestrated, so that we might be reconciled with him.
It's not a pleasant thing to think about. To think that I have claim to an inheritance so absurdly beyond anything I could ever deserve because I allowed the most beautiful person in existence to suffer my consequences. I know I'm supposed to be thankful for such a sacrificial outpouring of love, but sometimes I almost want to reject it. Pridefully, I don't want to allow somebody else to suffer the pain that I had sowed, least of all the king of the universe.
I wonder how people react to that. Does that thought seem unnecessarily dramatic? Does it seem blasphemous to paint Salvation in such a light that it might seem undesirable? Could it be Biblical to say that to accept grace is to abuse it?
I began to cultivate this thought after reading Shusaku Endo's Silence.
[spoiler alert]
At the climax of the story the protagonist, a Porteguese Missionary, is asked to trample atop an image of Christ. He had lain all night in a small dark cellar listening to moans of tortured Japanese Christians. When he is finally brought out he is told that the blood of these poeple was on his hands. He need only trample atop the image of Christ and the killings would stop. Standing there, at the verge of physical and mental collapse, the protagonist becomes aware of an intense pain in his foot as he considers doing what he had refused to do for the entirety of his captivity. It is at this moment that the long silent Jesus finally speaks to him:
'Trample! Trample! I more than anyone know the pain in your foot. Trample! It was to be trampled on by men that I was born into this world. It was to share men's pain that I carried my cross.’
[end spoiler]
I had several more jumbled thoughts that I tried to get out, but I couldn't seem to form coherent sentences. I wrote and rewrote several paragraphs that went down tangents about nothing, and it's late now, and I think I'm done writing.
...so remember the importance of New Beginnings, Today is a New Day perfect for New Resolutions.
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2 comments:
first off, ordains, orchestrated, c'mon man, you are so close; just say it, you know you want to, i'll help you; election! ah, now isn't that better. anyway, i definitely think not to dramatic. i can often find myself reacting to the cross not out of pride but out of not believing that it can be true. not a skepticism that distrusts the source but one that thinks that this truth is just too good; there's no way this can be how it is. that the king of the universe would willing choose to die for us evil peeps just seems ludicrous to my finite brain. then god reminds me to stop being dumb, let him worry bout the reasoning of it all and embrace this grace, stand on the truth and assurance then fall down and worship him because of its absurdity then proclaim it fervently to the peoples of the world. also, i like it better without the last 3 lines personally. i got what you were saying.
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So legit here dude. It's a dangerous place to be in when we're not feverishly hungry for more grace from God in Christ, but I know I'm there frequently. I'm thinking of Jesus's teaching about cutting off your hands, eyes and feet for the sake of knowing Him more, and the call to die for the sake of great gain.
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